The Saxon Files # 6

Written by Mr Saxon

Oh dear, poor old Britney. Did she hear the news that RTD wanted to fly out to America with the Doctor Who crew just to film celebs like her before or after she shaved all her hair off?

Perhaps the news tipped her over the edge. Or... and I admit I haven't checked the arse-achingly pathetic spoiler section on the OG Forum for this kind of rumour, could it just be part of the build up to hearing that she is going to play the Auton Qwween in the not yet confirmed series 4?

Yours Faithfully,

Master No. Six - Oh no what a giveaway!

Displacement

Sit back, relax and enjoy.

I saw a book in a shop this week all about thinking differently and therefore making your life more successful, less stressful and generally better. The basic point was that people who make a difference to the World start first by making a difference to their own lives. It's really simple too: When they have a good idea they put it into action despite it being daunting. Some people make a huge difference to their own lives without impacting on the World as well which is great too. Then there's us - we like an easy life.

We make no difference to anyone. Not even ourselves.

If you're a committed (not necessarily institutionalised) Who fan the chances are that you will watch every Who story available more than once, read about the programme regularly and spend time discussing it with fellow fruitloops. You might even go to the length of having your own blog and enjoy endlessly correcting your friends by telling them "it's not a blog - it's a site" despite reality.

We're talking years of lives - you don't win them back. There's no 10p when you redeem the bottle and it doesn't work like the Co-Op dividend either. The time is lost. Forever. Gone. Wasted. And you don't have the bottle anymore anyway.

What has begun to worry me more than anything else is that most fans I know have a secondary waste of time, some even more. Perhaps you'll watch Life on Mars, Lost, 24 or perhaps you're gonna have a weekend with that great Bod DVD. I stayed up into the early hours of this morning watching motor racing from America on the internet. My eyes hurt and on the whole it was dull. But I know exactly why I did it.

I tell people I enjoy it. The Life on Mars people tell me they watch it cause they enjoy it, comic fans read comics because they enjoy them. But the truth is they can all be used as displacement activities.

The motor racing was enjoyable because it stopped me from doing the hoovering, tidying my room and all the other things that I tell myself are outlawed on a Friday night. In short, it stopped me from organising my life and taking control. That is the peril of displacement activity.

I read an article by the environmental campaigner George Monbiot this week and he made a similar point regarding conspiracy theorists after he was attacked for saying he did not believe that there was a 9/11 conspiracy. The main thrust of his argument was that conspiracy theories are the political equivalent of displacement activity. Rather than getting involved with real issues and getting out and campaigning, conspiracy nuts can get their kicks safe at home in the knowledge that nobody can ever enter an informed debate with them. They don't leave the house to investigate their claims or campaign for changes. If anything, they just hamper real causes trying to get on the political agenda by taking up precious newsprint.

Reading comics all night, eating fast food, watching every surviving episode of Up Pompeii in one sitting might keep people happy for hours but waste a lifetime. That novel you could have written, that invention you're waiting for somebody else to patent, that boyfriend waiting to discover he's yours. It's all out there but you have to search it out and get it while you can.

[ooh! Hang on "Song for Ten" has just come on - I'll be back in 3 minutes and 29 seconds.]

Perhaps you don't want to achieve anything: professionally, personally, whatever. Fine but at least be man or woman enough to admit to yourself that you waste nearly every moment of your life filling it with Dr Who, Battlestar Gallactica, anything with a bloody spaceship in it, comics, football (come on the Imps!), beer, soaps. Don't use 'enjoyment' as an excuse not to join the human race.

There's another way which, in the long term, might lead to greater satisfaction and more enjoyment.

Give up most of the time you spend on displacement: get a girlfriend, cook a new dish, walk in the countryside during the rain, interact with humanity a bit more, ditch those blogs you sad git. Just get off your fat ass, Jon and do something with your life.

Oh sod it.

The Saxon Files # 5

Written by Mr Saxon

Below are a couple of photos of recent filming in Cardiff - thanks to the Student of Life.
And yes, that bottom pic has The Doctor, Martha and Jack, together.
Looks like this Saxon thing might be prominent - who knows. It could just be a load of old tosh.

Big Finish Limbo #1: In the beginning there was the Word.

Written by The Mara

The people who entered the recent Big Finish short story competition have entered a time of limbo while we all wait for the judges to announce the winner – and the 1071 also-rans. "Limbo" was the term in Roman Catholic theology given to the region between hell or heaven serving as the abode after death of unbaptised infants and the righteous who died before the coming of Christ. Now, while some entrants may feel strung up between heaven and hell, given that the RC church is currently debating whether or not to do away with the concept of limbo altogether, we would be better to take on a more secular definition of the word. According to the speedy, if not terribly brilliant, dictionary.com, definition 3: "an intermediate, transitional, or midway state or place", is far more appropriate.

We’ve all been there. Waiting for exam results, confirmation that we got "the job", the agonising seconds while we wait for someone we’ve asked on a date to say ‘yes’... or ‘no’. Even City boys experience it during the time between the annual round of bonuses being announced, and finding out that theirs is enough to support a developing-world village for a decade. An even more relevant example to this blog would be all the times Doctor Who has been off the air; 1985, 1989 – 1996, 1996 -2005, the seasonal breaks, the rest of the week…

During limbo we need something to pass the time. Rather than take up smoking, I seized the Keeper’s suggestion of writing a few pieces about my individual experiences during the competition as a way of doing just that.

So consider the last 271 words as just the preamble for a collection of musings on the entire competition process. 291.

In the beginning there was the Word, and the Word was ‘competition’. It was closely followed by the words ‘Doctor’, ‘Who’, ‘writing’, ‘short’, ‘story’ and ‘published’. These divine words were uttered by a small-time god. From now on this minor deity will be known as "Morbius". I listened unto Morbius and said, ‘yea verily unto which URL shall I venture forth?’ And Morbius listened unto me and gave his wisdom of the URL and proclaimed; ‘go forth and create!’

It is the strength of the Doctor Who community and their use of word of mouth that has led to Big Finish being inundated with entries. I would never have known of the competition had it not been for Morbius informing me of it. He also would not have known of it without someone else mentioning it to him.

Of course the 1072 submissions (originally 1073, but we have since had an entrant own up to previously published paid fiction work) are just from those who managed to complete and chose to enter. Add a guesstimate of how many people wanted to enter but didn’t, and we end up with an impressive number touched by this competition.

The enthusiasm for the competition was highly visible in face-to-face meets and on fora like Outpost Gallifrey. Conversations about entry details, writing trials and tribulations, open declarations of support and encouragement were sparked by the competition and still continue through this limbo period.

Ultimately this competition has served as a catalyst for a level of enthusiasm, support and encouragement that stands as Testament to the strength of the Doctor Who community at its best.

But now I’ve jumped too far in the future. Also, warm n’ fuzzies don’t make for brilliant blogging; there needs to be more confession and Hail Marys, more ‘insight’ to keep the voyeurs of blog-land happy.

When Morbius told me about the competition, there was never any doubt that I’d write an entry. This comes down to the simple conceit that I do consider myself as a writer. I’m very much the amateur, which is a good thing given the rules for the competition, but I do have a bit of a writing résumé. I’ve had a short story printed in a county English teachers’ journal, a poem printed in a University collection, articles for street press and university rags, and my crowning glory, a non-fiction chapter in a collected work where I got to be printed alongside such luminaries as Francis Bacon, Aristotle, Goethe, Chaucer and Shakespeare… but none of these exploits received remuneration.

While I am conceited enough to think I have a better than average chance of winning, this was not my main motivation for writing. I primarily saw the competition as a writing challenge. Where other people may be driven by the impulse to win, or have a story they felt had to be told in the Whoniverse, or saw this competition as a way of legitimising their fan-fiction output, or did not consider any of these things and just thought writing an entry would be fun, I saw this as a structured method to hone my skills. I had never written any Doctor Who fiction before this short story. In fact, I never wrote any science fiction either; my usual areas of fiction writing are fantasy, and things that can be amorphously grouped under ‘modern fiction’. So the tingle of doing something new, added to the tingle of possible publication and ‘winning’, meant that before I even put finger to keyboard I was already giddy with excitement… and hassling the rest of my fandom associates to discover who else was writing and thus being conferred the weird status of both competitor and comrade.

So! I sat down at my keyboard, after discovering three comrade-competitors, after reading the rules and –

In the beginning there was the Word, and the Word was ‘Hell!’ It was closely followed by other words, and became a question; ‘What the hell do I write?’

Coming soon – Big Finish Limbo #2: The Devil is in the Detail.

Poll # 2

If you had a choice of either sitting down to a new episode of Sarah Jane or a new episode of Torchwood it seems that a mega 77.8 % of you would watch The Sarah Jane Adventures live.

Love & Croydon - A Pub Crawl

Many thanks to all those lonely hearts who took part in the pub crawl yesterday. I don't think a single one of us found love but it wasn't due to the lack of trying - well no more than normal anyway.

For the record: 8 people strutted their stuff and a mega 1 came from Croydon (Me!)

Poll Results # 1

When do you want the new series of Dr Who to be broadcast?

A resounding and massive 100% said the sooner the better. March 24th has been touted as a possible air date for several weeks and every last one of you voted for that date.

The near traditional Easter Saturday launch date is moribund as far as you seem to be concerned.

A Croydon Massive of 10 people took part in the vote

My First Time # 1

Name: The Mara
Gender: ♀
First Story: Talons of Weng Chiang
Approximate Date: September 1996.
Age: As old as nightmares, or you can do the math yourself.

When the Keeper asked if I would set the ball rolling on submitting guilty confessions of 'My First Time', I have to admit that I had to make sure that, yes, he was talking about losing my Doctor Who virginity and not that other kind. Yet for me there is a clear connection between the two concepts.

Of course for many of you the analogy between sex and Doctor Who does not hold - given you can clearly remember that your first time was at the age of six or seven, if it were sex we were talking about we'd have to have called in Social Services because your parents were clearly abusing you or letting you be abused.

Then again, my mother obviously considered Doctor Who some form of child abuse, as it was banned in my house. She was, and still is, the type of mother who only allowed soft drink and chocolate on your birthday, bought educational presents, and sent you off to school with brown bread sandwiches with grated cheese and sultanas in it. So my early experiences of Doctor Who are exactly like my early experiences of sex; both were reduced in my existence to occasional glances at books or television on the topic, but never knowing what either was really about. I knew there was a Timelord that changed shape and there was a police box involved. I knew that the 'scream' at the beginning of the end credits during the Tom Baker era made me jump, and I have a vague recollection of a yellow vintage car on the edge of a mound of gravel. But I never saw a complete episode, let alone a complete story.

It is probably telling that I lost my Doctor Who virginity a good four years after that other sort. And it still involved sex. Like a social disease, I had Doctor Who 'passed on' to me by my boyfriend. Like any social disease, there was a spectrum of ways he could approach the knowledge of him being a carrier; with the two extremes being that he could have told me at the very beginning and run the risk that I might turn around and say 'I'm sorry, I just don't think my feelings for you are strong enough to overcome the fact you're infected with Doctor Who', or he could have been one of those ones who kept his disease completely hidden. Watch the new BBC remake of Dracula, if you need an example for why that is always a bad idea.

In the end it was somewhere in the middle. He told me early on that he ‘liked Doctor Who'. The evidence that this was an understatement was the complete VHS collection with hand typed labels and extant Target novelisation collection in his bedroom. Oh, and the porcelain TARDIS moneybox and Dapol figurines of the 7th Doctor and a Cyberman. I always stuck these in compromising positions and, I found out later to my mortification, were also always tidied up by his mother.

But the time-coded copies of ‘The Ice Warriors’ were turned off as soon as I arrived. Doctor Who had been partitioned off; it was present, but never really talked about. Until I pressed him about it and he eventually relented, starting my education with the classic of Doctor Who 'The Talons of Weng Chiang'.

Bad Move.

Losing one's virginity often involves a lot of confusion, surprise, disappointment and fear. I was confused by the simultaneous slowness and unfathomable plotting, surprised when I was shown the silly rat (and yes, the sex analogy works very well here), disappointed in that this was supposed to be the highlight of Doctor Who, and fearful that a major part of my partner's life was something I was never going to understand. Like first time sex where expectations have been built up too high, Talons was an utter let down.

But just like sex, one moves past the first time, knowing that it just has to get better. And Doctor Who did get better for me, although not through watching 'classics' or the boyfriend’s personal favourites. For those of you who watched Doctor Who when it was on, even if you did not begin on 23rd November 1963, you did watch stories pretty much in order until you got hooked and decided to go looking for more fixes (like the sex addicts you are). There is a reason this works, and jumping to random stories does not.

So my advice to the experienced that wish to embark on deflowering Old Series Doctor Who virgins of an adult age is to start slow and work with missionary for a while before trying the seventh position of the Perfumed Garden. Use ‘Rose’ and the rest of the new series as foreplay. When the time is right to move to the next base, pick an Old Series story with a natural introductory bit. Start with colour, because it's 'safer' than black and white. In other words, start with ‘Spearhead From Space’.

Saturday 10th February - Love & Croydon Pub Crawl

The next event will be a pub crawl in Croydon in anticipation of Valentine's Day. Kicking off at 4pm in The George on George Street we will crawl from 6pm.

Whether you've found love or you're still searching, a walk around Croydon on a Saturday night might put things in perspective!

Time to Reappraise Melanie Bush

Written by The Revisionist

Rose Tyler sets the standards when it comes to Dr Who companions. What more could a character like The Doctor need? She was willing to travel universe, fight danger, save planets, and teach The Doctor a few tricks along the way.

Looking at some fan favorites they now appear to fall short of what the Doctor needs. There are companions who spent most of their time in the TARDIS whinging, moaning and making a thorough pain of themselves. I can only assume that as each of them was pretty good looking The Doctor kept them around for reasons other than universal adventure. Why else would he put with Tegan?

But the worst companion in the history of Who is Peri. She hated everywhere she went, complained incessantly and then for reasons never fully explained left The Doctor to marry some right royal thug. Women.

The Doctor soon got a new one though and she's right up there with the best. Crazily, Mel Bush as played by Bonnie Langford is right down there in the mind of all good fans. The conventional wisdom is that she was awful (both actress and character) but it's time to take a look at the evidence.

Langford's performance is very 'theatre' - she projects her voice as if she didn't realise that the BBC had microphones in the mid 1980s. When she screams the effect is similar to being in a microwave. She cooks from the inside and gradually gets to the skin by which time you've had it. However, I recommend taking a close look at her performances because the character is superb.

Mel is there for adventure, the thrill of the universe and everything she can get out of the experience. When we first meet her she sets the pace of the story, much like Rose in many of her adventures. There's been a murder and The Doctor is quite interested in unravelling the plot but it's Mel who leads the investigation. She's fantastic.

The main problem for the character is she's in the lowest period of Dr Who's history where true classics can't be found and perhaps that's a reason for her reputation as being a poor companion. It's unfounded and I think the time has come to view her stories again considering what kind of a person The Doctor would want to have on board the TARDIS.

You can have years of moaning from a serial bore like Peri or you can embrace the universe with Melanie Bush and have fun no matter what the danger. Anyone for a carrot juice?

Soundtrack To Our Lives

It's always been the case that fans have associated Dr Who with their outside World. People can remember outside events purely because they remember watching a particular story or episode. It started on Day 1 when more news of JFK's assassination filtered through but it also manifests itself in the more personal memories. I'm talking about those moments when watching an old story reminds you of a specific time and place, a song or a film, a book or a friend.

Whenever I watch Trial of a Timelord I am taken back to cub camp. I can instantly remember the fire side sing alongs, the massive games of hide and seek and the dreaded chicken not supreme. When I watch The Doctor Dances I'm reminded of a wedding I attended not long afterwards and the fact that my best man speech went much better than I hoped. And after a lull in the senses due to a lack of new Who for a decade-ish 21st Century Who is really beginning to be the backbone of my consciousness. I didn't realise until my copy of Murray Gold's music came through the post.

Russell T Davies has created a hit version of Dr Who by updating the show to include emotions on a level previously not tried in the history of the show. And Murray Gold's music is a massive part of making that work. Christ, I hate the volume level of the music compared to the dialogue - I can barely hear the actors sometimes - and sometimes I hate the music itself but Jesus, when I listen to the album the memories are intense.

The music that started the show off in Rose really didn't work for me but on listening to it in isolation I was reminded of the intense and wonderful feelings I had at the show returning, how I finally started mixing with other nutters, and also what was happening in real life at the time.

This show gets us feeling as well as thinking. if you blubbed your way through School Reunion you'll know just what I mean. And then there's Doomsday - who didn't blub at the end of that? This album brings those memories flooding back and it also reminds me of other moments in my life over the last 2 years. Moments of great happiness, very dark and sad moments - Murray Gold was writing the soundtrack to my life and I suspect he's written one just for you as well.

The Saxon Files # 4 - Series to end after 2008?

Written by Mr Saxon

Rumours abound that Dr Who will be discontinued in series form after the 4th year of 13 episodes. These rumours started on a semi-popular fan forum run by a puppy life saver several weeks ago but have since been corroborated by an independent source with a closeness to events in Cardiff.

I understand that the BBC plans to focus on making 'several' special editions of the show per year to maximise the brand they have created without the possible overkill of brand recognition.

Obviously it's impossible a this stage to be 100% sure about this as the Beeb are tight lipped but you heard it here 2nd!

Review: The Three Doctors

Radio Times covers, special features on Blue Peter, Dr Who in the news: in 1973 the show celebrated its 10th anniversary in style. Meanwhile on the programme itself a special story involving the three Doctors to date teaming up ensured that, on air at least, the anniversary would pass with little of substance. This is a knock around celebration and nothing more.

This story suffered from major re-writes and several hiccoughs during its production so it's hardly surprising that that it seems like a mixture of themes and ideas loosely packaged together. Multi Doctor stories are a pretty poor idea on the face of it. They demand from their viewers a working knowledge of the show that most casuals probably don't share with us Whoicides. This one started out as a story that would fully feature all three Doctors but it later emerged that William Hartnell was so frail he would not be able to play as great a part. This caused one of the major problems for the production and it's a shame because when Hartnell is on screen the drama progresses and the story almost gets interesting. It would have been fantastic to witness one last full performance from this great actor.

Instead we have the over bearing Pertwee and the arched theatrics of Troughton with neither at their best. In fact the story deflates quicker than a burst weather balloon the moment they meet as the following few minutes are taken up with boring introductions, pointless continuity and a lack of plot. Still, at least Courtney is out of the way through most of that initial banter.

The Brigadier is one of the most popular characters in Who and I love him as much as the next fan. BUT! Courtney is a poor actor. Hasn't anyone noticed? Perhaps you were too busy supplementing his pension. Watch him in the background in any of his scenes and you'll see what I mean. When he's in the foreground he goes through the motions by acting what he thinks a top class military official would act like - perhaps he was getting stale in the part by this point but he certainly isn't convincing - I can't be bothered with his raising eyebrows any longer and don't get me started on the upper lip theatricals.

The directing on this story is perhaps it's greatest asset. The film sections in particular are well thought out and executed in style. Unfortunately most of them feature a major quarry and lots of running away from the most ridiculous looking blobs in Who history. The fact that they bob up and down to a silly noise doesn't help. By the time you're half way through you really feel it in your gut and thank goodness the tempo ups a little as the climax approaches.

The best element of the four parts is the complex villain. Unfortunately the idea is crazy and most of his scenes occur during the really boring bits of this dull serial. It is hard not to feel a little bit of sadness for the lonely Omega. So lonely that rather than creating an imaginary sexual partner, he creates the Gell Guards for reasons unknown. Oh and he spends a lot of time watching the Time Lords on his little telly. At least I assume that's what he does because he somehow knows they exist and left him to die, that they have a "High Council" and he even intimates that he knows them well enough to understand the rules of their society - all of which developed after he was left to die. Plots and holes. There's a lot of it about but don't worry nobody's watching.

If you're a fan and you've not seen this one - just watch it to get it out of the way. I suspect that in it's day it was just what the public wanted and while it's not really badly written or directed, it doesn't stand up to multiple viewings. It wasn't meant to.

Big Finish? Get Your Short Story Published!

The closing date for the Big Finish short story competition is 31st January 2006. Big Finish will be receiving a bumper mailbag with fans up and down the universe scribbling away with high fever.

The winner gets a great prize. They will work with an editor to perfect their work and then it will be published in a collection of short stories and they'll be paid the going rate. How mega is that?! You can be a published Dr Who author.

But what of the rejects? No money, no publishing and nobody knows just how wrong Big Finish were to reject you! That's where The Keepers of Croydon steps in.

OK I can't offer you money (sorry!) but I can get you published. If you get rejected by Big Finish and your story isn't indecent I will stick it on this website and show it to a Worldwide audience.

All you have to do is post it to me in an email with confirmation of your rejection from Big Finish. If you would prefer to remain anonymous please state that in your email.

Please note that this offer is only open to people who have been rejected by Big Finish and only those stories that have gone through that process will be published as part of this exercise.

Finally, I would like to wish you all luck with your writing and the competition. If your luck runs out, just contact me at mailto:thekeepersofcroydon@doctorwhofans.net

Type 40s Owners Club of GB! Event

The Type 40s are holding a central London meet up this Friday 26th January from 6:30 pm.
It will be held in the Coal Hole pub on The Strand - a fine hostelry.

If you fancy shaking off the working week via a few drinks and some stimulating chat get yourself down there!

The Type 40s website can be found here! complete with TARDIS hum!

The Tides of Time # 6

Colin Baker as a Young man.

Colin Baker as the Doctor.

Colin Baker in the modern age.

Review: Dr Who and the Daleks

The movie industry and the movie going public were a different breed in the mid 1960s. There were many more successful British production companies in a highly lucrative industry with a wider variety of distribution networks and for some people movie going was a routine that involved catching up on the latest news headlines as well as catching the latest blockbuster.

Multiplexes barely existed and cinemas didn't have to either be called Vue or Odeon. It was a different World. In 1965 the first adaptation of Dr Who reached the big screen and it's worth bearing in mind that it would be competing against other films with mega budgets in order to gain affection amongst the Saturday matinee crew.

Taking a quick look at film releases that year shows the diverse nature of what was on offer so Dr Who and the Daleks entered the fray (Does anyone have a copy of Pinocchio in Space???) and was a broad success.

And rightly so. This is a slick production with sumptuous sets and some excellent design. There are some problems with the production but they're minor quibbles really: The story is rather on the dull side. I prefer the lengthy BBC version as the tension really mounts between the two Skaro races and the members of the TARDIS crew. However that tension is completely taken out of the film because there is no place for it - the plot allows the action to come to the fore which is just right for the kids movie style.

This story is clearly a re-telling of The Time Machine and in places it even looks like the original film version and it also blends in some wonderful adult themes such as the obvious Nazi style Daleks as well as playing on the Cold War insecurities of nuclear warfare. These are all subtly woven into the plot rather than slapping the viewer in the face. The point being that these were the concerns of the day but playing out on the big screen and on another World.

Peter Cushing plays the central character as a man of science and fun. He's in with the kids and immediately the viewer can make the connection with the old man who never grew up. In the first scene we see him reading the Eagle comic giving a hint as to his mischievous sense of fun. He is at one with his granddaughter, Susan, who wants to explore the planet they find themselves on just as much as he does.

Roy Castle plays Ian, the boyfriend of Dr Who's other granddaughter, Barbara and adds some slapstick humour to the mix. Most fans find his performance embarrassing but it really fits with the time and the type of movie this was.

It's well known that the producers wanted the Daleks to fire... er fire out of their exterminating guns. When this was vetoed by the censors (and let's face it it would have been horrifying) the crew went in the opposite direction and chose fire extinguisher foam. A fantastic idea that gives the Daleks extra eeriness and looks just as good now as it must have on the film's release.

The movie holds up rather well and is shown on British TV with regularity, normally on Channel 4 and in widescreen format. It still looks magnificent, the Daleks look and sound great, the music is unfortunately dull but on the whole Dr Who doesn't get much better than this: entertaining, fun, thought provoking and short!

The Saxon Files # 3

I can report that William Hartnell has started to communicate from beyond the grave!

A fan who believes in things that don't exist (he'll remain nameless) conducted a seance recently and was surprised to find himself communicating with the tough old bird. So what revelations did William Hartnell want to pass on to this World? The answer to finding World peace, a cure for cancer perhaps? Hints on how to find love???

"I don't like the new series" he is reported to have proclaimed. Unfortunately he is yet to give us his verdict on Eccleston versus Tennant.

And perhaps even more useful "I have buried treasure". Unfortunately he was scant on details according to our source. Lets assume that he put the clues into Dr Who over the years via his so called 'fluffs'. Perhaps "Floating around in Spain" was just his way of telling us that he'd put some used fivers in a bottle and dropped it in a lake.

Or perhaps the dead stay dead. Hmm.

Written by Mr Saxon

Whoicide

‘Hobbies are supposed to pass the time, not fill them.’ I may be misquoting Norman Bates as I’ve not seen Psycho in quite a while, but that line has always haunted me. The idea of something one enjoys eventually becoming a measure of how much emptiness is in your life; that’s far more terrifying than merely dressing as your dead mother and murdering anyone who gives you an erection. Actually, my apologies for spoiling the end of Psycho there if you’ve not seen it.

The question is, does your own fandom depress you? Do you ever go to watch The Web Planet only to find the tape still left where you stopped it on the previous attempt some years earlier? Yes, I know it’s on DVD now, but buying it in that format when you never watched the VHS version smacks of obsessive routine rather than a display of genuine love. Maybe I’m being unfair - perhaps you greatly admire The Web Planet, if so then good for you - but in a series as.. erm.. diverse as WHO, there’s bound to be something you hate, a story or even an entire era you don’t regard as merely sloppily made, but so very wrong that it provokes feelings of existential dread in you.

For want of a better example, let’s call this hypothetical bete noir, Trial of Time Lord. Despite the fact that you know you detest it, do you still watch it every so often as it’s the next one in sequence for your chronological viewing schedule? Why do it? Why subject yourself to such a monumental squandering of the senses? Sitting through that story feels like having blood siphoned off at the rate of one pint per hour - wouldn’t your time have been better spent talking to someone, learning to cook some new dish or walking in a park, even if there’s a hail storm kicking off?

But Trial is the absolute nadir of WHO - what about those classics? Have you ever felt profoundly empty after sitting through one of the ‘all-time greats’, suddenly seeing it exposed as just a shoddy piece of old telly? Beyond that, have you ever realised that you’ve watched something you adore past the point when the last drop of enjoyment has been squeezed from it? I must confess that this happens an awful lot with me. It’s probably my own fault as I tend to plough any furrow of pleasure long after it’s stopped being fun, mainly as a displacement activity from getting on with stuff that I should be doing but secretly suspect will be rather hard work.

In this respect WHO for me is frequently like putting all your albums in order so you can delay exam revision. The public view of fans is of course one of just such obsessive lunatics, autistic list-makers who’ve no hope of interacting with real people. If we’re honest there’s clearly a fair bit of this about and if you’re active in fandom then chances are you probably know a few candidates who fit the bill. But stop a second; aren’t you one too? Even if you can justify the pursuit of something designed to be entertaining and magical, is it really normal to be spending so much time and energy- let alone cash- on a television programme?

Something frightening happened to me recently - I’ve been perfectly happy to ignore the whole debate on canon; if a story’s good, then it’s good, if it’s bad then it’s probably an unpardonable stinker. I know that Tides of Time, Voyager and Adventuress of Henrietta Street are unlikely to make it on to the acknowledged lists of stories that have officially ‘happened’ in the WHO universe, and this bothers me not one jot. I think they’re great stories, adhering to what I like my WHO to be doing. Then I discovered that unbeknownst to me, a VHS tape which previously I’d only kept as it contained the greatest ever edition of the game show ‘Catchpharse’, (I began recording five minutes in when I realised that one contestant, a monstrous idiot who couldn’t grasp the show’s concept, was going to carry on giving increasingly surreal answers such as ‘Clever in the box’, ‘Stand-up plant’ and ‘Personality pot’) also contained something else dating from that same year... 1993.

‘Dimensions in Time’ is unforgivably atrocious. To this day I’ve still yet to see its conclusion. The reason it features here is that upon sitting through this mammoth pudding of shit, I found myself thinking, ‘But of course this isn’t actual WHO - it’s just a charity runaround.’ Hold on... why did my brain feel it was important to reach that conclusion? Why the need to remind myself that ‘..it doesn’t count’? I’m writing this mid way through January and hopefully many of us will still have enough new year’s momentum to have stuck with resolutions so far. One I’m adding is that if I ever find myself thinking that way again, then it’s time to back away. This after all is a tv show. It may be entertaining, it may be great to see its triumphant return making such a huge impact, but dating UNIT stories or taking a firm stance on whether Susan truly is the Doctor’s granddaughter is a waste of this short life.

Enjoy it, slag it off when the production’s a disaster, celebrate it on those occasions when the show’s pulled off a corker, but should you ever find yourself watching it for the sake of it, then for Christ’s sake stop. That may sound obvious, patronising even, but let’s face it - everyone’s guilty of it, and not just WHO geeks. How many people sit through endless, unchanging soap operas and sit-coms because it feels traditional and reassuring? Why are so many movies or hit albums bland, formulaic rip-offs of each other? Because audiences are much happier sleepwalking through the comfortably familiar rather than trying the new and unknown - this would mean some risk-taking, even if all that’s required is passing up a retread of something you already know inside out. To this end, the producers of Casino Royale deserve considerable praise for totally recreating James Bond from scratch even when the appalling predecessor, ‘Die Another Day’ provided them with great box-office.

But I’m going off subject, the point is that anything we find pleasurable is likely to develop into a crutch, then a rut and eventually a trap. As I said, this whole ramble may just be for my benefit - for all I know you’re an entirely well-adjusted individual - you may have quite rightly never got past part two of The Time Monster or Underworld, flatly refusing to sit through the whole mess merely for completions sake - but I’d be willing to bet that there are many of you with the same reservations; the odd pang of ‘why?’ every once in a while. Do you really need the same episodes as vanilla disc releases, limited edition box set and standard version, especially when you recorded them all off the telly anyway... even more so if we’re talking about Torchwood rather than Doctor Who itself?

Even though one of the recurring themes of the show has always been to maintain a childlike enthusiasm rather than calcifying into a dreary adult, let’s not forget that this is also a series celebrating a guy who abandoned his comfortable home because his peers were Olympian bores, poring over reams of accrued facts instead of going out and experiencing things first-hand. Bear that in mind next time you spend a weekend in with the curtains drawn, watching The Two Doctors.

On Wednesday I learnt that The Dominators is being released in audio-only format despite the fact that the tv story exists in its entirety. Why? The common excuse for this sort of thing is that many fans enjoy listening to stories while they’re in the car, and as a result, I think I now understand its true purpose; imagine this interminable excrement blaring out from the dashboard stereo, the vehicle itself remaining stationary in a garage, the door sealed down while a length of hose runs from the exhaust and in through the driver’s side window...

Happy times and places!

Written by Piggy Fizz

The Saxon Files # 2

* The Keepers of Croydon meet up on 13th January was a complete success! More than 10 people turned out. And a record number of people actually living in Croydon made it. Now lets see if we can push it above 3. Hmmm.

* So we've known for a while that the first episode of the new series will be titled Smith and Jones - I can now confirm via someone who wishes to be known only as 'Mitchell' that this will be the first televised Dr Who story with the letter 'J' in the title. Someone wishing only to be known as 'Chaz' has pointed out that this does not include Hartnell episodes such as Journey into Terror as they were part of a wider story with a separate title. Sorted! - as we say in Croydon.

* It has been agreed that the May meet up of the Keepers of Croydon will be held in London and will include a full game of Dalek Invasion of Earth! See this link for further details and start organising your teams...

Written by Mr Saxon

The Saxon Files # 1

* The Runaway Bride was a ratings success, notching up 9.35 million viewers on BBC1 on Christmas Day. BARB have placed it in 10th place for the week ending 31st December 2006.

* A strand of articles titled "It's Not Who But I Like It" are in development for the Keepers Blog. Watch this space!

* There was a shock for several Doctor Who fans last week after their stunning accomplishments during the recording of the Friday Night Project were not included in the transmitted version. I personally missed the airing as I was wiping my arse with steel wool.

* Watch out for more reviews in the next few weeks. Very shortly The Keeper and others will publish their views on Dr Who and the Daleks, The Runaway Bride and fan favourite Dimensions in Time

* All is set for the January meet up of The Keepers of Croydon this coming Saturday - if you're in the area join us for a drink or two!

Written by Mr Saxon

Wherever you are in the world, stand up if you think "Doctor Who" is iconic

Back in 1997 Tony Blair told Britain it needed to be 'modernised'. In speech after speech he talked about how the country needed a dose of what he'd done to his own party. 'Modernisation' was a by word for reform but crucially it didn't actually help anyone to understand what he was going to do. He banked on people wanting to be modern and he was right. But this didn't suit everyone.

The Conservatives by their very nature are more reserved and contemplative. So the voters had a choice - "New" Labour with it's modernising agenda or the same old Tories.

Say something often enough and people will make the connection. Now TV isn't the same as party politics but there's a two word phrase that used to be a by word for Doctor Who. "Wobbly sets". It was trotted out as often as "Behind the Sofa" and whilst I wouldn't say that Doctor Who has never suffered from wobbly sets as a fan I know it didn't happen quite as often as the general public might think. It was damaging for the programme and when the show was recommissioned the stereotype needed to be fought.

The current production team in Cardiff are a canny bunch and to avoid the problems of the past they've taken a few lessons from the political marketeers. Doctor Who is now and always has been "Iconic"! It's the one word that keeps cropping up from September 2003 to the present and I'm sure it'll continue.

It's your duty to tell a non-fan (if you know any) that Doctor Who is iconic. Just to emphasise this (and to help get you in the mood), here are a few of my favourite iconic quotes - I do hope you're all 'on message':


"Doctor Who is a much-loved, truly iconic piece of television history." Mal Young (Head of Continuing Drama, BBC) September 2003.

"I am delighted to be joining the team bringing back such an iconic and exciting series" Phil Collinson (Producer) February 2004.

"We are delighted to have cast an actor of such calibre in one of British television's most iconic roles." Jane Tranter (BBC Bod) on Chris Eccleston March 2004.

"He loved working with Russell on The Second Coming and that relationship was very useful in his agreeing to play such an iconic role." Julie Gardner (The Queen of Who) on Chris Eccleston, March 2004.

"Doctor Who is an iconic show and I am absolutely thrilled to be playing the part of Rose Tyler," Billie Piper May 2004.

“The new production has fantastic storylines and production values and has already gained an iconic status around the world." Candace Carlisle, Senior Vice President, BBC Worldwide Americas. [Date unknown]

"It's such an incredible thrill to step inside the Tardis and to be part of such an iconic show." Freema Agyeman 2006.

"The iconic image of Doctor Who has always been of Tom Baker in his floppy hat and long, multi-coloured scarf, but it looks like that's been replaced." Clayton Hickman, Editor of DWM, on Mr Tennant's remarkable popularity, December 2006.

"Iconic moments which will no doubt recruit the next generation of fans. It's going to be great to see how all this is resolved. The end of this series is fast approaching and The Empty child has just upped the ante. Brilliant." Jonathan Bigger, reviewing The Empty Child, Summer 2005.

"Dad, There's Too Much Dr. Who"

Over Christmas, while many of us were revelling in (else being extremely critical of) the bumper helping of WHO related broadcasts, a friend of mine who’d probably be quite happy to have his identity exposed, but I won’t just in case, was approached by his two young daughters, both avid fans of the show, proclaiming ‘Dad there’s too much Dr. Who.’

One can sympathise with this, especially since at the time their father was merrily watching the Children in Need WHO concert special, while mum and the grandparents got on with eating Christmas dinner. If you’re reading this, you’re probably an ‘Above & Beyond’ level devotee with a diary stuffed full of upcoming WHO events, but didn’t you feel overworked keeping up with the Christmas Day Special, the BBC 7 McGann adventure, Sarah Jane & triple Torchwood? Even if you did catch the whole lot, can you honestly say that they all did a good job of furthering public interest in the children’s own show that way too many adults adore?

Yes- I said the public’s interest. After all, as fans we’ll watch anything faintly WHO related, even if that means sitting through David Tennant on The Friday Night Project, an experience about as entertaining as wiping your arse with steel wool. But when kids are getting WHO fatigue- and admittedly it was only two of the blighters, but still- shouldn’t this be seen as a worrying portent?

Obviously television has changed a great deal since the days of the programme most of us grew up on. WHO lasted nearly thirty years not because it was event TV with a publicity blitz for every new story, but because it offered a regular fix of the unknown and bizarre-paradoxically it was traditional and comforting even while its appeal lay in being unlike anything else around. There’s no doubt that TV today is far more commercially driven despite the BBC’s remit to provide a broad range of shows rather than chase profits, so when WHO returned in 2005 it broke big with high-profile features in even the least likely of publications and a stack of merchandise, much of which became either useless or far more collectible once Christopher Eccleston quit a few minutes later.

In short, WHO was demanding much more than the contents of our wallets- it was staking a claim on the UK’s attention. Clearly the series needed this level of visibility to begin with, but can the public be expected to keep the attitude of ‘Ooh, I’ll have a look at that show’ for very long before thinking, ‘Christ- it’s that bloody thing again’ ? A Radio Times cover announcing the show’s return and the mid-season unveiling of the iconic monster- fair do’s. Another couple for a WorldCup/Season finale tie-in… plus a pseudo one for Billie Piper’s departure…and Torchwood? Would you be too surprised if a backlash kicks in? As a glossy, effects heavy series you can’t blame the BBC for sticking an awful lot of fanfare behind the show- this isn’t like a long-running soap whose re-usable sets make it relatively cheap to produce and which has a duty to remain broadly similar from week-to-week, year-to-year.

Also, let’s not ignore the fact that the heavy coverage in both high and low-brow press is down to what readers are responding to rather than some nefarious plan by the show’s producers. But still, can’t this level of hysteria only be detrimental in the long-term? How many ‘must see’ shows have crashed spectacularly after a couple of spins when they’re no longer this year’s model? Moonlighting and Twin Peaks come to mind, and more recently Lost seems to have plummeted from mainstream hit to minority cult in the space of one season and while that may largely be due to its now premiering on Sky, the general public don’t seem terribly bothered, nicely illustrating their fickleness as they settle down to Ugly Betty for at least a couple of weeks.

With WHO, the arrival of two spin-off shows (so far) and three ‘making of’ strands may help to keep the core series in the public eye, but won’t these just hasten the speed with which it goes from much-loved gem to ubiquitous irritant? To be fair the broad audience of Torchwood probably won’t be setting their Sky+ boxes for Totally Doctor Who or The Sarah Jane Adventures, but it all contributes to the general amount of WHO hanging about in everyone’s peripheral vision, draining one’s patience rather like the Macarena or the Spice Girls. I don’t think anyone can seriously imagine the new WHO lasting uninterrupted until 2031 regardless of how many magazine covers and spin-off series it produces, but might not a vast scaling down be in order before some hypothetical CGI revival of The A-Team starts to look more appealing?

Many have wondered if the show’s future might involve switching from annual, three month series to a couple of specials a year, possibly at Christmas and Easter. Then wouldn’t these few adventures once again have to be much publicised events in order to make them worth the BBC’s time and money, as well as always telling ‘end of the universe’ level adventures if they’re going to be sufficiently epic to warrant a stand alone special. Actually that may not be true; with BBC3’s policy of repeating programmes endlessly, it might be possible to slowly build up a library of one-off stories which premier quietly before going on to pick up a gradual audience in some form of syndication. Whoever’s playing the Doctor at this point may well be happy to continue for many years if the low production rate left them free to pursue other work the rest of the time.

This approach might result in less extravagant sets or prosthetics and zero story arcs, but may see an upturn in CGI with effects boffins having more time to execute a smaller number of shots(assuming the BBC haven’t brought back The Tripods by then) and perhaps try out a greater range of design styles. The truth is that so long as WHO is making a stack of cash in merchandising and overseas sales, the BBC will want to keep it going and probably in some form beyond a bunch of spin-off books and officially licensed audios. The problem will be in maintaining WHO’s reputation with the general public as a show that they may want to check out to see what’s going on this week, rather than making it all seem about as appealing as chocolate does… once you’ve un-wrapped two drums of Quality Street, a tray of After Eight mints and a box of cherry liqueurs on Christmas morning that is.

Written by Phil Richards

Review: Revelation of the Daleks

Back when BBC books had an open submission policy, its guidelines for budding writers made it clear that plots should always have the Doctor at their heart with his involvement being paramount to a story’s development and outcome. ‘Don’t just brush down an old adventure and plonk the Doctor in the middle hoping no one will notice’ they warned. Can you guess how this connects to Revelation of the Daleks? Yup, this tale is always criticised for the Doctor’s failing to get involved until the second half and even then there’s not a fat lot for him to do, but is that all that’s wrong here?

Revelation is generally held up as the best story of Baker’s short reign chiefly since it faces little serious competition for that title, rather like a tramp choosing to eat the sausage least past its ‘consume by:’ date. However for many it’s a genuine masterpiece, mainly because it’s grim, gives Davros more to do than just rant- though God knows he does plenty of that- and of course Graeme Harper’s directing so it’s automatically just as good as Androzani. Watching WHO from across its forty-odd years may tell us something about the changing tastes of contemporary audiences, but when viewing Revelation today, the series it most resembles is Torchwood - another show that equates body parts and stomach churning ideas with maturity. Who do you find it easier to visualise snooping around a hi-tech funeral parlour only to unearth cannibalism and space mercenaries - David Tennant or Eve Myles?

Of course there’s a rich history of black comedy in WHO but it’s generally been there to support a solid adventure with an easily followed plot. Here, Eric Saward seems to have built his script from chunks of things he’s enjoyed in the past (famously the source material is Evelyn Waugh’s The Loved One) then hoped that including the Doctor will magically force a plot to emerge. What we end up with is style over substance; the notion that Daleks and fancy sets will be enough to engage viewers.

In fairness, many of the guest cast do a good job of making the whole thing far more watchable than it could have been, though the best efforts of Clive Swift, Trevor Cooper & William Gaunt are eclipsed by the astonishingly inept Jenny Tomasina's Tasambeker. How was she cast? Was it deliberate? Was she supposed to lend some sort of John Waters-esque camp appeal to whole thing?



Harper’s direction also has a decent bash at making it all look interesting but ultimately just draws attention to the fact that there’s so little going on that fancy camera angles and scene composition are the only things worth bothering with. Hold on, ‘...there’s so little going on’? How can this be when we have political plotting, cosmic knights on a quest of honour, grave robbers, unrequited love among the slabs and civil warbrewing between the series’ most famous monsters? Oh, and the Doctor wandering about outside awall.

Well, possibly that glib aside is the answer- the lack of direct Doctor involvement makes it difficult to care about, or even to take on board these other strands, and it doesn’t help that most of them are so poorly developed. While the various factions vying for our attention in Androzani cohered effortlessly as the Doctor raced to save Peri, here we’re asked to follow the schemes and agendas of characters who often seem to have been included merely to pad out the running time. When the Daleks themselves are reduced to this sort of token status, then something’s gone very wrong.

Of course when this was first broadcast fans were aware that it was to be the last new WHO they’d be getting for eighteen months (I won’t mention Slipback if you don’t) bearing this in mind I bought a then exorbitantly priced VHS tape intending to keep this no-doubt instant classic to get me through the barren times ahead. A few weeks later I had little hesitation in recording over it with ‘The Pink Panther Strikes Again’.

In 1985 this came across as a story aiming to snare an older audience, yet even at the time it seemed hampered by appearing half-finished and poorly thought through. Sure, it's an improvement on the disastrous Two Doctors, but knowing that it was followed by the catastrophic Trial of a Time Lord, this now looks less like the show attempting a fresh direction and more like another example of the series forgetting what it’s supposed to be doing, mistakenly believing that audiences will be happy with anything just so long as the Doctor or the Daleks pop up every few minutes.

Written by Phil Richards.

Review - Daleks: Invasion Earth 2150 AD

The two Dalek movies are generally seen within fandom as a bit of a joke and Peter Cushing's second outing into the thrilling world of the Metal Men is perceived as the better of the two.

Invasion Earth is certainly enjoyable in places but it really is the worst of the two films for a number of reasons. Despite looking lavish in places it really does lack the cash needed to pull off such a project. OK, the Robomen look great in their fetish suits and the Daleks themselves have great presence, most notably during the night time "Attack the Saucer" scenes but the matt backdrop drawings and the London sets in general make the movie look painfully studio bound.

When the action does move out into the countryside it's quite jarring but so nice to see real horizons and this helps to get through some of the quietest parts of the plot, which by this time is all over the shop.

Making a TV serial into a film isn't a simple process. The first thing a film has to do is provide its audience with an engaging central character and Bernard Cribbins does his best as P.C. Tom Campbell. Cushing's Doctor Who is relegated to supporting character (in the script) and this fails to give the film the necessary urgency and perhaps as a consequence all semblance of framework goes out the window.

In hindsight the production team would have done well to go down the James Bond route and to show the end of Doctor Who's previous un-screened adventure but instead they opted for Bernard Cribbins getting beaten about the head by a jewel thief. Despite this poor bit of originality it may have been much better to have come up with something completely original rather than another version of a Terry Nation TV story.

The film also does a bad job of re-introducing the Daleks to the cinema. It is assumed that the viewer knows what these metal meanies are. At no stage is there even a hint that there is something alive inside the casings so lets assume that they're robots.

Cushing does a very good job here despite being ill at the time of filming and being given such lame material. He is often compared to William Hartnell as he was taking on Hartnell's role but in this and the previous film he is much more comparable to Patrick Troughton's portrayal of the character. Unfortunately the script gives him little to do and he lacks impact in the finished product.

The film is thankfully brief and despite being laughable in many places it does have some charm. The scene that seems to annoy most fans is the "Tom Pretending to be a Roberman" section in which a comedy meal ensues. I've never understood why people dislike this scene apart from the fact that it isn't funny. But then the drama parts of the film aren't that dramatic so why quibble? I like it simply because it shows that the makers of the movie knew their audience and they wanted to make the film as accessible as possible.

This film was a flop at the cinema. It came towards the end of the Dalekmania period and it simply didn't have the well made gloss of it's stablemate.

If it had been a success it was rumoured that the BBC serial The Keys of Marinus would have been next. Both Keys and the third BBC Dalek story, The Chase showcased the epsiodic format of Dr Who perfectly and it's perhaps for the best that only two movies were produced.